Posted 04/14/2025 12:59:29
Category: Separation Agreements
A challenge most people face when attempting to mediate a divorce settlement is having to listen to proposals from their spouse that are unacceptable. It's hard to sit there and listen when all you want to do is jump in and say, "No way. I'm not willing to do that!"
And the mediator is listening to your spouse in a way that makes it seem that the mediator thinks your spouse's idea is a good one; he's even asking questions to get a better understanding of the proposal. It's hard to remember at times like these that no decision will be made in mediation unless it is acceptable to you. Why is that? Because you and your spouse are the decision makers. No one else. Not you alone. Not your spouse alone. Not a judge. And not the mediator. In mediation, you and your spouse control the outcome.
But why "waste time" listening to unacceptable proposals? Because the concerns of each of you need to be built into any agreement for it to be acceptable to both of you. Only by hearing from each of you - only by each of you hearing from the other - can the potential for a mutually acceptable arrangement become possible.
So as hard as it is to listen, do the best you can to listen to understand, not to agree, but to understand what it is that your spouse is proposing. And know that the mediator is only seeking to understand to be able to help craft arrangements that will be acceptable to you both.
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